The Symptoms of Grief
by C0123
Summary: HUGE SPOILERS FOR 9.1! So don't read if you are avoiding them. Harry/Ruth 1 shot.


**Right well this has spoilers for 9.1. Here's hoping that we get a good outcome, here's how I see Harry's proposal going. One Shot. I've used bits of dialogue that we know is in 9.1.**

Wordlessly he had found himself sat next to her in the church, between her and Malcolm. Not that there was a vast amount of choice. There were 6 of them in total in attendance at Ros Myers' second funeral. Unfortunately for Ros, there was no walking away from this one.

Harry clenched his jaw tightly as he looked to the front of the church and saw the long wooden coffin in front of the pews. A small hand crept onto the cuff of his jacket, squeezing gently in a gesture of support. The words of the minister were nothing but a vague murmur in the background, all he could hear was the buzzing in his ears from the explosion. He had relived the moment over and over since the minute he had seen her broken body leave the site in a dull grey body bag, proceeded by the body of Andrew Lawrence the former Home Secretary.

A tap on his hand alerted him to the fact that the service was over, he looked sharply at the woman next to him; bolting upright at shock of her touch.

"Come on Harry. It's time to leave."

Mutely he followed, his eyes were glazed over with unshed tears as he was ushered out of the church by Malcolm. Harry walked along the side of the church, 3 abreast with Ruth and Malcolm. They stopped abruptly and Harry leant against the yellow brick of the building.

"It was lovely to see you again Ruth, It's just a shame that it has to be under these circumstances."

"And you Malcolm." She smiled a watery smile at him and embraced him.

"Harry." Malcolm smiled at his friend and held out his hand towards them.

"I'm sorry Malcolm." Harry muttered as he shook himself out of his trance – like state and stood freely of the wall. He grasped the proffered hand firmly and smiled at him. Lucas and Tariq rounded the corner walking towards them.

"I really must leave, my being here is breaking all sorts of protocol."

"Screw protocol." Harry spat.

Malcolm smiled lopsidedly at Ruth.

"Indeed, however, I really must go."

"Leaving already Malcolm?" Lucas and Tariq had finally caught up with them.

"Yes, It's been good to see you, good meeting you." He nodded at Tariq. Tariq smiled back at the older man.

"Tariq and I were talking about going for a drink if you wanted to come." Lucas addressed the question to Ruth, not quite wanted to look at Harry's pained expression.

"We'll meet you there." Ruth smiled, taking charge of matters herself.

The two men nodded, leaving them alone by the side of the church. Harry had moulded himself back into the brick, sighing Ruth leant backwards and looked out across the churchyard.

"Do you ever feel like you can't go on?" He addressed his question to his feet.

"Can't go on. Must go on." She turned to him as she spoke, prompting him to reciprocate as she smiled sympathetically at him.

"I have something to tell you Harry." He began to smile.

"Not that. Not yet anyway." She squeezed the hand between them.

"It's Nicholas Blake. I have proof that he was in it up to his neck with Nightingale."

Harry groaned and wiped his hand across his forehead.

"Ever fancied just running away and getting married?"

"Living the domestic life in a picturesque little cottage in a London suburb wouldn't change anything."

"Would be nice though."

"I'm not refuting that."

"You would then?"

"Would what?"

"Get married."

"I wasn't aware that we were talking literally?" She looked at him incredulously.

"That's always been the problem with us." He smirked gently.

She smiled back in reply.

"What would Ros think, propositioning me over her grave."

"If you said no she'd most certainly haunt you, you can be sure of that." He chuckled, Ruth chuckled back.

"I'm sure she would have some morbid, sarcastic remark about how I've chosen to propose to you in a graveyard."

"So this is what this is then? A proposal?"

"It's whatever you want it to be."

She nodded, staring at her shoes.

"You know how I feel about you Ruth."

"This isn't a "No" Harry. I just need time, so do you, it's been a horrific few months."

"I wanted this before today, and I will still want it afterwards, this isn't grief talking."

"I just need time."

"Then take it." He smiled at her briefly.

"So, tell me about Nicholas Blake."

**Well I hope you all enjoyed that please review with your comments, what you think may happen etc. **


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